ϟ Vent
I fucking hate my job. I don’t care about anything anymore. I just want to get paid and be there as little as possible. I don’t know how anyone stays longer than six months.
I feel like the environment is stagnant and uninspiring. You might ask why I don’t simply enrich my life outside of work. I’m tired and put most effort into unwinding. I spend at least thirty hours a week doing repetitive tasks I find so dull that after mastery of said tasks, I actually become careless and sloppy. I just don’t give a fuck, to put it eloquently. I used to try to go above and beyond, but it makes no difference. The results were, “hey you don’t have to do all of that,” and a less-than-a-quarter raise a while back. Why even try? Everyone either does the bare minimum and acts like a child or works hard with no reward.
If I started to get creative I would hear that any new idea is against corporate policy, and honestly, why would I waste my creativity here? It’s just like when people say I should put myself “out there.” Maybe I don’t want to waste energy expressing myself to just anyone. I’m not really an open book, even though I say things most people won’t at times.
Oh but what about patience, respect for hard work, and the next step? There is a difference between hard work and being a robot. I guess this is a cynical perspective, and it is true that I lack patience. I’m such an idealist that I feel if the work I do yields no benefit to what matters most, then I’m wasting my time and doing so actually blocks me in a way. My passions are put on hold. My skills that were more advanced go unused and become rusty.
It’s my fault for always half-assing job searches, because I usually leave shitty retail or service industry jobs in a fit of rage with no plan. Then I quickly acquire another job I hate.
For how much I whine, I at least have some friends this time. Although, I discovered that I would rather have my nose down in a pile of work than talk to people about nothing all day.
Time to get crackin’.
